I don’t like being fragile!

Posted on October 25, 2009 by sonjabarrie

It’s amazing how life can throw you curve balls, just when you think you have a handle on things everything changes!  I did my back in again about three months ago and although I did physio for 2 months until they decided that there was nothing more they could do for me I was about 70% better and figured I would just gradually get better over time.

Ha, what a joke, Sunday 18th October I went to pick up a shrub and didn’t even get to lift it, just twisting and grabbing it was enough, sharp pain and flat on my back, into urgent care (an in between place you can go to for out of hours Doctor, it was Sunday night, but not life threatening ER) and there goes the rest of my year!

Tuesday 20th the pain was so bad Tim rushed me into ER where they took an emergency MRI and saw the pieces of disk again rammed up into the spinal column. My orthopedic Doc called the orthodedic surgeon and I am scheduled for another laminotomy on Monday 26th October.

I am very surprised at how fragile I feel.  When we were in England I took Tim’s mum shopping and as she is 85 years old, about 4 foot nothing and weighs about 50lbs, she needs constant watching.  You have to be hyper aware every minute of everyone around her as one small bump would send her flying and that would be the end.  So it’s like when you’re driving or have children, you are aware of everything around you so that you can anticipate events.

I do it automatically; you build up an innate ability over the years of driving and having kids.  But it is amazing when it is you that is fragile.  I have such weakness in my legs that I have to walk with a stick, sometimes I forget and stand on my one leg or the other without my stick and have almost gone down a couple of times. I realize I have to be the one now to watch everyone around me, see who might bump me or just step in front of me and me not be able to stop quick enough.  It is a very bizarre experience I can tell you.

And I don’t like it!  I will not make a very nice old person, I am too independent (no surprise there then!) I hate asking someone to move something so I can get out of bed even.  I have a hospital table with my laptop on it and extra screen so I can still work but it is very cumbersome and heavy and while I can crawl out from under it sometimes I just can’t and it’s very frustrating having to lie there and wait till someone is in hearing range to move the contraption just so you can go to the loo.

Ces’t la vie!  I know after the surgery one of the best things I can do is walk so we went to one of my best friends yesterday, Kathy’s, and borrowed her treadmill, I have to be up and going for walks three times a day after the surgery and as it is starting to get cold here the last thing I need is to walk in the cold and cause all my muscles to contract because of it.  I found it a bit hard last time because you walk and all of a sudden you begin to get tired…too late…..you now have to walk back.  With a treadmill I can walk until I’m tired and then just stop.  Much better.

Anyway, I’m trying to keep my spirits up, hoping like mad they give me something for the nausea after the anesthetic this time (I do NOT want to throw up again for 24+ hours like last time!) and am looking for a speedy recovery.

As an aside we asked the surgeon why this would happen to me twice in as many years (last op was October 07) and apparently there are three predisposing factors (rocks in my yard not being one of them LOL) being overweight, that’s not a problem I am borderline underweight, smoking, again never ever even took a puff in my life so that’s out, or genetics.  Great, this means it could happen again at any time unless I am VERY careful and it could also happen to my kids, not a happy thought!

Will post as soon as I can after the op and let you know how it all goes.

Sonja with her hospital table and laptop

Sonja with her hospital table and laptop

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